You’re about to get a LOT more popular.
1. Your email inbox will explode once the school holidays are announced
Who knew your cousin Rob, your neighbour Asif and Michelle from Zumba would all have the exact same idea? They were just thinking we could just drop by your place for a few days? Maybe even a week? With all their family? Great.
2. You'll fail to get any of the low-budget plane tickets advertised to the tiny airport closest to your holiday home
You: I'll just be super organised and buy all our flights for our trips at the beginning of the year and get them really cheap
Also you: WHY HAS THE FLIGHT FOR THIS WEEKEND GONE UP £100 IN JUST 20 MINUTES?
3. You're at the whim of local napping culture
It can be a culture shock waiting for the only village shop to wake up from their siesta, so you can buy some milk for a cup of tea. Plus, the kids won't stop screaming until they get their gallon of promised Fanta Limon.
4. Your partner will be convinced the house has become infested since the last time you visited
Well, if you drop a bit of cheese on the floor, of course ants are going to come and eat it. And no, that spider in the bathroom isn't a black widow, and it isn't poisonous.
5. The pool temperature won't be *quite* right until the end of the summer
It's fine, we'll heat up the pool for an hour or so for the first swim of the year and it'll be perfe....GOODNESS GRACIOUS I'VE JUMPED INTO THE ANTARCTIC
6. The horror of receiving an official-looking letter from the local council
You can just about make out the gist of it - something to do with an extra tourism tax? Or is it about that historical planning permission? Stop pretending your brief dalliance with GCSE French is going to cut it and don't sign anything until you get advice from a professional who speaks the language and can advise you on how to respondez, s'il vous plait.
7. Things won't go exactly as planned, timing-wise, during renovations
Want to stay sane while you're having work done on the house? Just double any estimated work time you're quoted.
8. Yeah, same goes for the budget, too
Just double the initial cost and make life easier for yourself. If it does work out cheaper, that means you've basically won money back, right? And you can stop guess-timating the Euro to Pound conversion as about three-quarters of the price - it's pretty much 1:1 now. Sorry about that.
9. Google Images will become your best friend...alongside Google Translate
You know how the Inuits have 50 words for snow? Now is not the time to get terracotta and orange lost in translation. You'll spend most of your time finding the translated word and pulling up the exact colour from an image search to give to contractors. Still, at least you end up with your desired kitchen in russet, rather than EasyJet orange.
10. You'll be forever cursing your holiday data package for your phone when you’re outside of the EU.
No, I don't want to buy another 3MB for £20. But how will everyone back home know I'm enjoying myself if I don't post this picture to Instagram?
11. The joy of the dappled sunlight hitting your garden picnic, as you crack open a bottle of amazing local wine that cost €4
Well, this is why we do it, isn't it?
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